Pathway: Follow the Road to Health and Happiness
by:
Topics include: your feeling brain, emotional trash, your sweetest fruit, nurturing inner voice, new reasonable expectation, face the essential pain, dominant neural networks, stay above the line, lifestyle surgery, using external solutions, favor imbalance, nurturing cycle, chemical pleasures, life above the line, use the limits cycle, doing cycles, external nurturing, right below the line, pop yourself, unbalanced feelings, coconut cupcake, most basic expectations, nurturing voice, intimacy with self, rewards integration
Reviews:
I read both The Pathway and The Solution. First, I want to say that I think this is groundbreaking work that has had a huge impact on my life. As I read the books, I felt like I was talking to the only person who has ever understood me or my relationship to food and weight. Yes, I lost weight but more importantly, I gained an internal sense of sanctuary that I have never known in my whole life. . .my "sweetest fruit." However. . .I think that a lot of people are likely to be turned off by the Pathway's emphasis on The Solution Kits and/or can't afford the financial cost. For those who are unable/unwilling to purchase the kits, The Solution (her first book) does provide an inexpensive way to begin. The Solution has writing exercises, like Thinking Journals and Feeling Letters, along with some quizzes, journals and other things. I did the exercises and shared the book with my husband and some close friends. I found that was enough support for me to master the skills and deal with the "emotional trash" without shelling out $600+ dollars for the Solution Kits, etc. That may not be true for everyone, but it was true for me. Her books have a quiz that determines what level of support - the "Pathway" that a person may need to follow - her scale did recommend that I seek external support, and I kept that door open if I needed it, but I didn't. I know Ms. Mellin is probably struggling with how to scale her method to maximize effectiveness and safety, but I think she's fallen into the trap of trying to create an industry/brand around it. By doing so, she's necessarily limiting her services to those who can afford to spend that kind of money. It may have been better if she could have followed more of the Twelve Step model of self-organized groups based on a rigorous structure and format, with only minimal central organization. Less control, granted, but a lot less expense and overhead to deal with, and the participants reap the benefits of feeling competent enough to help others as they grow in their ability to help themselves. I wouldn't be surprised if the Solution Circles evolve into that kind of an organization, over time.
I highly recommend this book! I have been practicing the skills - especially self-nurturing & limits setting combined with more balanced eating and mastery living (exercise, restoration, and meaningful activities) for almost 4 months and I am already a different person! I already feel much more emotional balance than I ever did before. As I become more compassionate towards myself, I find myself being more compassionate towards others, more accepting of their mistakes. Not only do I feel this way, but my husband and co-workers have noticed it too. One of my co-workers told me she thought I had set a New Year's resolution to be more patient. The best part is I'm not struggling to be patient; I am just becoming that way. My temperament is actually changing! I cannot tell you how truly amazing this is for me. I actually started this method to lose weight and I have lost nearly 10 pounds (and I know I will continue to lose weight & keep it off as I continue making progress towards my Solution). I recommend this book and its method because of how much better my life is and how much better I know it will become from the descriptions in "The Pathway" of those who have reached their Solution. I am still somewhat incredulous at the power of this simple, but powerful method. Sometimes, it feels a little like magic, but I know it is not. I am working hard at practicing the nurturing and limits skills and it takes courage and it does take time, but it is so worth it for the rewards it brings. I encourage you to purchase this book. It may change your life in ways you cannot even imagine!
Effective and Life-Changing:
I have been working on the Pathway and the Solution for about three months, but have recently started the Thinking Journal and Feelings Letter combination. Having newly written several journals and letters, I have already begun to see some significant changes in the way I view the events that have occurred in my life as well as my relationship to them and to my 'external solutions.' I no longer see myself as weak or at the mercy of my own bad choices. I have realized that there are significant motives behind my daily choices and THESE are the things upon which I should focus my attention and energies. As Ms. Mellin points out, the behavior will only change when the root is changed.
I recommend that a person starting on this program seriously consider purchasing both The Pathway and The Solution. Reading both of them has put things into better focus than reading The Pathway alone. I was confused as to how to start using the Letters and the Journals until I read the first book. I know one of the criticisms of the method was the amount of money one must spend on the kits and support, but it is likely very possible to use this program effectively (at least at first) just by employing the two books, which can be purchased at very reasonable prices (I purchased The Pathway at a VERY reasonable price at a small bookstore, for instance.)
The method is quite simple, based upon two cognitive thought cycles, called the Nurturing Cycle and the Limits Cycle. Despite the names and perhaps some level of awkwardness in the employment of these thought patterns, they work quite well. They are simple to remember and flexible enough to be tailored by the individual to fit personal needs. Moreover, with plenty of examples in the books as well as charts and reminders about how to perform the cycles, it is difficult to go wrong. The book outlines the cycles and their methods of employment. It also discusses the common external solutions employed by people in order to attempt to compensate for weakness in the skills of setting limits and nurturing oneself. Moreover, the book dicusses in detail some important skills, not the least of which is developing a sense of personal sanctuary and a positive voice with which to communicate inwardly. Too often, self-help books skimp on these more challenging topics: how can one begin to explain what positive self-talk sounds like, or what one must do in order to create a feeling of inner calm? Mellin tackles these topics with simple, unadorned language that made me feel very confident in her abilities and understanding of the way the method works in the minds of people who didn't start with it from the ground up like she did herself.
My only qualm with the format of the books is that they give too many anecdotes in lieu of more developed information on the method itself: HOW does one focus one's cycles for maximum effectiveness? When does one know when to 'let go' of a feeling and leave the rest of the work for next cycle? These sorts of things are illustrated somewhat in some of the anecdotal stories, but not spelled out. Perhaps the kits would explain further, but the books themselves seem somewhat unfinished without this information (and they're long enough in and of themselves, I'd say, to supply this information.)
But, when all is said and done, these are the best self-help/self-improvement books I have read, all-around. They are complete, rather well-written, quick reads (I didn't find them cumbersome to read), and I felt that simply by reading them, I was making progress. Mellin has mastered a writing style that causes the reader to feel drawn in, almost as though he or she is having a private conversation with Mellin. The balance between casual speech and formal psychological/dietary discourse is masterful. The books are quite remarkable and although the method may seems somewhat alienating or difficult to distill into something tangible at first, it WORKS. It is the first time I've ever been able to say that something has. I'm actually quite impressed.
One of the best self-help books today: I must give credit to the author for not blaming the reader for being at fault, as many people have been abused or else have learned how to deal with life by example from their parents. Psychology today is actually veering away from the so-called "victim" mentality and now seems to concentrate on making the patient the guilty party, which isn't always wise of advisable. We should also remember that people who seek help are most likely ready to admit they have a problem that needs changing, so we should not always blame the person who comes to seek help! This is one of the few books, perhaps the only one, which I found fascinating regarding self-help. It doesn't seem either too New Age or else too scientific. The author seems knowledgable, well-balanced, patient, and reasonable.